You think you can drag me wherever you want?
You even try to get me to take sides and fight your fights.
And you want praises, too?
You think the couch is yours, and only yours?
We, humble others, have to squeeze ourselves into the corners, so that you can stretch out in full length?
And even by night, sometimes, you’d rather sleep there than share a bed?
Oh, and how you like food: our food, not yours.
You know that you’re on a special diet that we don’t eat, and you shouldn’t eat our stuff.
But will you stick to it?
Your favorite meal is the one that you stole off our plates, or that you managed to get in small parts, begged from me here and there during the day.
If that weren’t enough, you try to glean treats wherever and whenever you can, even from complete strangers in the street!
And then throwing up on the couch….
For me to clean, of course…
Let’s talk affection.
I can understand that you’re needy. I have my times like that, too.
But being needy and bossy is no fun for the people around you.
Scratch me here, caress me there, hold me, hug me, play with me, …. on and on it goes.
And God help us if we don’t comply: one gets nudged, pushed, relentlessly bossed around by you.
No fun, I tell you!
If only you were not such a control freak.
You just like to tell everybody what to do, do for you!
Also, you need to check on your hate for strangers.
Some of these “strangers” are actually our friends, whether you like it or not, and it would be appropriate to greet them nicely.
Last but not least the nights!
Of course you’re not tired, since you’ve been sleeping during most of the day.
But is that a reason for keeping those awake who’ve been busy all day? Don’t we have the right to be tired and wanting to sleep?
Can’t you do your singing during the day time? It’s not even singing, it’s a racket!
And now stop looking at me with those puppy eyes.
You’re NOT innocent.
Most of all: you’re just our dog, NOT OUR BOSS…!!!
(… nice try, though…)