It’s almost been three years now since nothing I did professionally had a good outcome. And come to think of, not much in my personal life came even remotely close to a “happy ever after” either.
When these things occur to someone, friends and well-meaning people will tell that person that s/he is not at fault, that bad periods like that happen,
that things will get better
These words are kind and momentarily uplifting, but the reality is that…
Nothing gets better
No great job opportunity suddenly materializes
No interview goes well
No wonderful, unexpected understanding occurs
between my teenager and me
No amazing future life partner shows on the horizon,
nor anyplace else
Instead… thing seem to get worse, and there seems to be no end in sight.
Nonetheless, now I want to do something positive, something that doesn’t depend on other people. I want to e-publish a manuscript I wrote (and that has been rejected dozens of times by agents and publishers alike). However, people around me who have read my “book” think that it is good to be published and I’m now sitting here, trying to figure out how to do it.
I know that I COULD do it, meaning I could go through the e-self-publishing process,
with all the recent failures weighing on my shoulders, I don’t seem to be able to go forward with this project.
>>> It is as if I’m DAMNING MYSELF! <<<
I look at tutorial videos and articles and… my mind feels like having been slapped into irreversible dumbness. I can’t “understand” what I need to do. (I don’t know if any of you ever experience this feeling…)
It is so frustrating!
I’ve never felt so useless in my life.
And I know that the problem is not the difficulty of the process. No, it is that self-doubt has been hitting me square in the face and I don’t know how to brush it off…