What is worse, having a broken body or a broken mind?
Messed up limbs or mixed up thoughts?
The inability to walk or the inability to overcome sadness and depression?
Visible vs invisible.
Body vs mind.
Judged by others on what they see vs what they cannot see.
Obvious physical pain vs mental and inner pain.
Struggle with life vs struggle with not wanting to live.
Uncertain future vs beliefs of no future.
A difficult life vs hopelessness.
I could continue writing these sentences that all apply to my child at times. These feelings of utter despair and pain plague him most days, during most waking hours.
I try to help, or at least be there and support him… but sometimes I feel as if I am moving closer and closer to the edge of the cliff myself.
Where is the inner breaking point?
Is it even justifiable to break for someone else’s pain?
I’m my son’s support system, yes, but I could still step back and let doctors, counselors, and clinics do whatever is needed without being too much involved.
But I can’t.
And I won’t.
My child needs SOMEone entirely on his side.
In the meantime, HIS pain has taken over MY life and there are moments like now where things are calm but I still can’t stop worrying… about later, about tomorrow, about next week, about fall when school starts again, about later when he’s grown up….
What is a mother to do?