All I Can Think Of…

 

cliff

 

What is worse, having a broken body or a broken mind?

Messed up limbs or mixed up thoughts?

The inability to walk or the inability to overcome sadness and depression?

Visible vs invisible.

Body vs mind.

Judged by others on what they see vs what they cannot see.

Obvious physical pain vs mental and inner pain.

Struggle with life vs struggle with not wanting to live.

Uncertain future vs beliefs of no future.

A difficult life vs hopelessness.

 

I could continue writing these sentences that all apply to my child at times. These feelings of utter despair and pain plague him most days, during most waking hours.

I try to help, or at least be there and support him… but sometimes I feel as if I am moving closer and closer to the edge of the cliff myself.

Where is the inner breaking point?

Is it even justifiable to break for someone else’s pain?

I’m my son’s support system, yes, but I could still step back and let doctors, counselors, and clinics do whatever is needed without being too much involved.

But I can’t.

And I won’t.

My child needs SOMEone entirely on his side.

In the meantime, HIS pain has taken over MY life and there are moments like now where things are calm but I still can’t stop worrying… about later, about tomorrow, about next week, about fall when school starts again, about later when he’s grown up….

What is a mother to do?

 

~~~*~~~

.

 

 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “All I Can Think Of…

  1. I of July says:

    wish I knew how to answer that final question but since I’m male I’ll take it as rhetorical. I was raised by my mother and it seems she always put me above all else… mothers are wonders

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s