Anxiety is not just fear from situations, people, animals, things, it is the fear of possibilities, sometimes rational, often irrational.
I knew that.
My son has anxiety.
What I didn’t know is that it can grow.
Anxiety is a monster that insinuates itself into all aspects of life. It lurks at home, at school (my son is 13 years old), it goes with him to sports and events, it especially grows before tests and social situations, it pushes its tentacles everywhere and – before you know it – it’s not only there to stay, but it’s here full time.
I had no idea.
I figured that we did enough: counseling, trying medicine, talking to teachers, to the dean, organizing activities with my son’s friends, ….
But it wasn’t enough.
Now we are here, facing the monster.
Unlike the dragon-slayers of old, we stand empty handed: no sword, no canon, no gun, no knife, not even a stick; only our mind. And our minds are quite frazzled as it is. My son is in the grips of the monster, and I don’t know how to stop it (or him).
Sometimes I sit and cry for my child. He was such a sunny, funny and fun character. He is so smart and yet cannot hold his ground against the growing anxieties.
Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong. I wish I could re-do it better, smarter, more carefully… but I can’t.
I’m trying to come up with a good ending for this blog but I can’t, either.