It seems to me that some people can just keep on going, no matter what life throws at them. They don’t necessarily know what to do in a situation, but they don’t just stand or sit there either,
incapable of doing one thing
I, however, am not part of this group of people.
Yes, I’m able to make split-second decisions when necessary, I am able to respond to urgency, I can even come up with a “plan B” in seconds or minutes if “plan A” has failed.
But when things get emotional…
you better count me OUT.
I’m sitting here, day after day, evaluating what literary agent/agency I will query in what way for selling the book I recently wrote. I work on the research for an hour or so. I write drafts of query letters and summaries of my book.
I feel just too overwhelmed,
I close my computer windows
And run away…
I walk the dog, or dig through the pantry for a snack I don’t need; I play a computer game, write a blog, do laundry, even clean the house or sort through stuff that’s been accumulating…
Any excuse is good enough
to take a break,
to NOT continue the task
that’s become so emotional.
It is the same with the relationship between my son (13) and I. Dealing with a depressed teen is overwhelming and – yes – also very depressing. I often don’t know what to do or say and simply fall back into old patterns of lectures and remonstrance.
This is my way of emotionally freezing around my boy.
It’s no help and yet, when things get dicey (which they do several times a day, it seems) I’m helplessly hiding behind old, useless and downright damaging patterns.
I wish that…
… for some situations and events I would be able to put my emotions aside, lock them in a box and hide the box…
until it’s safe again
to have strong feelings.