What Future?

Worry 1

image by migrantthoughts

I find it nerve-wracking to live in all this uncertainty.

Sleepless nights,
days of worry,
lack of concentration
those thoughts always hover in the back of my mind.

I will be 57 next year and that’s when I’ll set out again to find a job.

I realize that the highlights of my résumé are 20 years old, or more. The lowlights are newer, but even they are several years in the past.

I have spent my time raising my son, being there for him since his dad has left and, then, † passed away †, destroying all hope for my son to ever connect with his father.

I was his mom and his dad and, as he realized and said it already when he was just a little tike: the dad part was the hardest part.
And it still is.

Now he’s 13 and our small survivors’ income is not enough anymore.

Just that one thought brings in a flood,
a tide,
…of worries.

It is truly overwhelming.

How on earth will I be able to find a job that’s marginally better than McDo or any kind of call center work (which I hate with passion)?

How will I go back to getting used to a stressful work day?

How will I manage?

Who would want to hire an old person like me?

With an ACCENT to boot?

How will I manage?

What future is there for me?

Scared is only the first letter of a long, long sentence that would tentatively express what I feel.




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