The Dysfunctional Spirit

Oregon Coast; picture taken by migrantthoughts

Oregon Coast; picture taken by migrantthoughts

This dysfunctional spirit has been grown and carefully groomed so that it can bloom in its aberrant neediness and continuous pain. When love for a child is conditional, when the same child feels left behind his/her siblings, when the parents quarrel every day, sometimes in terrible ways, when words escalade easily, doors get banged, faces get slapped and bottoms get spanked without a discernable system or scale of punishment, the child will have periods where it is trying to please, and other periods where it withdraws.

Books are a great escape!

The same spirit, once grown up, will still try to please, try to earn and capture the elusive – or mostly non-existing – approval, first from the parents, later, after the parents’ death, sometimes from siblings. Or it will withdraw, or – last recourse – get angry and explode.

None of this works, of course.

None of it is healthy.

One must realize this and … walk away.

Indeed, walking away from the family and (re-)creating one’s own “family” with friends instead of blood relations, is the only way to attain or keep some kind of sanity and (especially) self-worth.

But still…if it so happens that a sibling rejects the already hurt spirit…again:

it is sure to hurt again.

*

It shouldn’t matter.

Not anymore.

And then… it still does.

Thank God for friends who stand by one’s side and don’t let it happen.

~~*~~

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